Ok, first things first. I'm gonna talk about sex, ya'll. Specifically, the bestselling trilogy "50 Shades of Grey." I'm not going to get uber graphic or anything but if you are a parental unit or family member of mine, or just a friend who prefers we not discuss sexy books, bow out now. No harm, no foul, I'll see you at the next family dinner and we can totally talk about how cute puppies are and how rainbows are super nifty. But if you're curious about my thoughts upon reading these books, and I hope you are, read on.

( We're all friends here. )

I've become a little bit addicted to the .99 cheesy romance novels for my Kindle. They're so dumb and yet, somehow, so satisfying.

But they're really messing up my recommendation list.

So how'd I do on my Oscar predictions? I called 5 out of the big 6. Pretty decent, I think! Of course, I still stand by all my "should have won" opinions but nothing enraged me to Braveheart winning proportions. Not even Meryl Streep winning Best Actress. She shouldn't have won, but she's Meryl Streep, probably the greatest living actress around and one of the greatest ever, too. Sure, give her an Oscar. And her speech was charming.

And that's the Oscar Death Race for 2012. See you next year when I hope Michael Fassbender and his penis finally make it to the show!

Or, as close to the conclusion as I can get, anyway. I have to say, I think I did pretty well. If you've forgotten, or never cared in the first place, the Oscar Death Race is an idea I stole from Sara Bunting over at Tomato Nation in which I attempt to see every Oscar nominated movie that's shown on the broadcast. Not just the Best Picture nominees, or the Best Actor/Actress movies. Every. Single. Nominee. I'm talking Best Makeup. Best Animated Short. Best Sound Mixing for heaven's sake. There are 24 categories. I have finished 16 and I have a good shot at 17 before Sunday night. Not too shabby.

I tried to have some guidelines to follow going into this. Mainly, I had to see the entire movie, in one sitting. I attempted to keep in mind the category the movie was being nominated for. And I attempted to give the movie my undivided attention, no fiddling on the computer or playing games on my Kindle while watching. I mostly succeeded, but I will admit to playing games on the cell phone during Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon. You guys. That movie was Bru. Tal. I also may have gotten up to pee a few more times than absolutely necessary during The Tree of Life, but other than that, I followed the rules.

Here we go!

Best Picture
The Descendants
Moneyball
The Artist
Hugo
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
War Horse
The Tree of Life
Midnight in Paris
The Help

Who will win: The Artist
Who should win: Hugo
I want to go on record saying that I really hate the 10 possible nominations for best picture. That's how we get crap like "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" nominated, when everyone knows it doesn't have a chance in hell at winning. What is the point? Anyway. Aside from EL&IC I don't hate any of the nominees. I liked them all, they're all very 'safe' choices, so thanks for keeping us pure and virtuous, Academy, I guess. (Sorry, I am still bitter about "Shame" being completely overlooked.) Everything I've heard has "The Artist" taking this one and I'm fine with that, even though I think "Hugo" is the slightly better, more layered and nuanced film.

Best Actor
George Clooney (The Descendants)
Brad Pitt (Moneyball)
Demian Bechir (A Better Life)
Jean Dujardin (The Artist)
Gary Oldman (Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy)

Who will win: Jean Dujardin
Who should win: Gary Oldman
I don't love this category this year. If we're being honest, Clooney and Bechir don't really belong on this list and Pitt...just barely does. Don't get me wrong, they all gave solid, strong performances, but...best of the best? No. Again, Oscar buzz is currently touting Dujardin as the winner and I can definitely live with that. But Gary Oldman gave a fantastic performance that was more reserved than he's probably ever been and I liked him better for it.

Best Actress
Viola Davis (The Help)
Meryl Streep (The Iron Lady)
Glenn Close (Albert Nobbs)
Michelle Williams (My Week With Marilyn)
Rooney Mara (The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo)

Who will win: Viola Davis
Who should win: Viola Davis
I'm irritated by this category. Meryl Streep gave a brilliant portrayal of Margaret Thatcher. It was a technical acting masterpiece. Too bad the movie sucked. Michelle Williams wiggled and giggled and sad-eyed her way beautifully through "My Week With Marilyn." Too bad it was such a weak vehicle for her strong performance. Rooney Mara is great as the now iconic "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo." Too bad the movie is clunky and too long. Really, it's not the performances that irritate me, it's the movies they're in. All three of those women deserved better movies. Too bad. Maybe next year. That leaves Glenn Close in "Albert Nobbs" a movie that no one saw (but you should, it's good) and Viola Davis in "The Help" which everyone saw...gee, I wonder who will win? Well, I'd still give it to Davis but it's close. The problem is Close's character portrayal is very narrow. Deliberately so and wonderfully done, but the character has a very limited range of emotions and while I imagine that can be difficult to play in its own way, it doesn't quite stand up to Davis's full range in "The Help."

Best Supporting Actor
Jonah Hill (Moneyball)
Christopher Plummer (Beginners)
Nick Nolte (Warrior)
Max Von Sydow (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)
Kennth Branagh (My Week With Marilyn)

Who will win: Christopher Plummer
Who should win: Chistopher Plummer
There's no question in my mind that Albert Brooks belongs on this list. Kick Jonah Hill off. But, dealing with what we have.... Branagh gives a good performance in a less than good movie (are you seeing a pattern here?), Von Sydow is the traditional wise old man (but the gimmick is, he doesn't talk!) in a flat out crappy film, Nick Nolte is great, but that's because he's been perfecting this role for the past 30 years, it's basically just himself. And Jonah Hill....has no shot at this. Christopher Plummer is wonderful in "Beginners" as a elderly man coming out as gay and living his life as fully as possible. Give him the statue.

Best Supporting Actress
Melissa McCarthy (Bridesmaids)
Janet McTeer (Albert Nobbs)
Octavia Spencer (The Help)
Jessica Chastain (The Help)
Berenice Bejo (The Artist)

Who will win: Octavia Spencer
Who should win: Janet McTeer
This might be my favorite category! Though I quibble about the Chastain nomination (wrong movie!) I love every performance listed here. And I love how it spans from raunchy comedy to art house tragedy to mainstream blockbuster. I wouldn't be unhappy to see any of these women win. Word on the street has Spencer taking it. I'm ok with that, but given my druthers, I'd give it to McTeer who gives an outstanding performance in "Albert Nobbs." I'm not exaggerating when I say that she makes the movie.

Best Director
Michael Hazanavicius (The Artist)
Alexander Payne (The Descendants)
Woody Allen (Midnight in Paris)
Terrence Malick (The Tree of Life)
Martin Scorsese (Hugo)

Who will win: Michael Hazanavicius
Who should win: Martin Scorsese
I'm prepared to be wrong about this, and I hope I am if it means Scorsese wins. Malick's movie was too abstract and not enough people connected to it for him to have a shot. Allen's "Midnight in Paris" is charming and enchanting but it's pretty light, if he wins something it'll be in the screenplay realm. I know a lot of people are talking up Payne but honestly, he doesn't deserve it and current buzz has "The Artist" winning. There could be some Artist backlash and that's where Payne could take it, but if there's backlash, I hope it goes Scorsese's way. He deserves it.

Those are the six big ones. I'll spare you my thoughts about who should win Best Sound Editing. Mainly because I don't have too many. I'm not sure how you judge sound editing. As long as it's not "Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon," I'll be a happy girl.

Before I get to the movies that were nominated and who will win and who should win, I just need to take a moment to rage in defense of the movies/people that were not nominated whose absence on the ballot is a travesty of epic proportions. Where, for the love of all that is good, is Michael Fassbender's name on the best actor category?? The man turned in the performance of the year in "Shame." In fact, "Shame" itself should be on the Best Picture list! Carey Mulligan should be in the Best Supporting Actress category for her part in that movie. It was one of the best movies I've ever seen and it was completely shut out. Not totally surprising, I suppose, given the subject matter, but shame (no pun intended) on the Academy for passing over a worthy movie because some puritanical, squeamish old white men are scared of Michael Fassbender's penis.

Where is a Supporting nomination for Albert Brooks for his performance as a gangster in "Drive"? Or a nomination for Ryan Gosling for that matter? I would have picked "Drive" for a Best Picture nomination before that clusterfuck of a movie, "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close."

They gave Nick Nolte the nod for Supporting for basically being himself in "Warrior" but skipped right over an incredible Tom Hardy and Joel Edgerton who both helped make "Warrior," a movie that in no way should have worked, an emotional tour-de-force.

Where is the love for Tilda Swinton in "We Have to Talk About Kevin"? I'm pretty disappointed in the Best Actress category this year, not because I hate the people nominated, but because there were better choices.

How about a little joy for Michael Shannon in "Take Shelter"? They blessed Jessica Chastain for her work in "The Help" but that was by far her weakest role of last year. What about her performances in "The Tree of Life" or "Take Shelter"?

Rooney Mara was good in "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" but I would much rather have seen "Melancholia"'s Kirsten Dunst or "Martha Marcy May Marlene"'s Elizabeth Olson grab the Best Actress nomination instead. And speaking of "Martha Marcy May Marlene," what about a the phenomenal John Hawkes as a charismatic and deeply disturbing cult leader? I would have been super excited to see a screenplay nomination for that movie, too. Even a Best Director nod, although if you're snubbing Speilberg, I guess shunning relative newbie director Sean Durkin is no biggie.

I could go on, but I won't. What I will do is beg you to see some, if not all, of the movies mentioned above, that weren't nominated. They deserve to be seen. You can thank me later, after you've gotten a good look at Michael Fassbender's penis.

So. I'm officially unemployed. It is a really, really awful feeling. I feel like a failure and I am intensely embarrassed, even though there is not one thing I could have done to prevent this from happening. I filed for unemployment the other day, and even though it was relatively painless (I did it online) and easy, the process made me feel very small. I have revamped and updated my resume and already sent it to dozens of places. Not one response.

I can't listen to the news anymore, not even a little. Anytime the unemployment rate gets mentioned or someone talks about the rising price of gas or how it'll be years before the economy is "normal" again, I have a panic attack. I'm very grateful that unemployment exists, but the fact is, it is not enough. I feel sick a lot and I'm always just a few seconds away from crying these days.

My sister, who had been my roommate for the past year, moved to New York with her boyfriend. There's still a year on our lease. Aside from the insane emotional damage this caused on a personal level, the stress of having to find a roommate and knowing that I'll have to live with a stranger for the better part of a year is not making my life any easier.

In short, everything is very, "woe is me" right now.

I am disabling comments because while woe is definitely me, it need not be you and despite all evidence to the contrary, this was not a plea for advice or sympathy or a general pile on of, "but you're awesome!" comments. But thanks, I know you're thinking it.

In about 2 weeks, I will be unemployed.

I am terrified on so many levels.

It's that time of year again. When just glancing at the television makes my blood pressure skyrocket. When opening a newspaper or turning on the radio is enough to ramp my fury up to homicidal levels. Yes, it's Thanksgiving!

Wait...no. That's not right. What I meant to say is: It's the day when consumerism wins the day, mob mentality rules and corporations make their disdain and contempt for their employees ever more clear. Yes, it's Black Friday! Wait...except Black Friday now starts actually ON Thanksgiving. The media is acting like this is something Totally New and Shocking! (It's not.) But I guess I should just be happy they're covering it at all.

I posted about this last year and I don't fool myself that this journal has any kind of real viewership or impact, it's basically just me, spitting in the wind. But here I go again, because I just can't let this go.

Target is opening their doors at 12 a.m. Friday morning this year. Much to their amazement, this is apparently not ok with a large number of their workforce. What!? Our associates don't want to sleep away their Thanksgiving dinners and football games so they can work a long shift that will be filled with customers climbing over each other to get the newest/latest/cheapest/last toy/television/thing for $7.75 an hour? THEY SHOULD JUST BE GRATEFUL TO HAVE A JOB! This is what all the upper management retailers are indignantly screeching from their homes where they will spend Thanksgiving eating turkey with their family and loved ones. While the people they insist should be grateful are unloading trucks and readying themselves to greet the rampaging hoards.

Let me just point out the obvious here. It is entirely possible to be grateful that you have a job and still be dissatisfied with how that job impacts your life and how you are treated at the job. A starving person would be grateful for a piece of stale bread, that doesn't mean they want to eat that forever or should stop trying to improve their diet.

It's a really hard time to be a worker in America right now. States like Wisconsin are waging war against collective bargaining rights. In Maine, the governor removed a mural depicting Maine's labor history from the Department of Labor. Unemployment is anywhere from 9.7% to 16.6% depending on if you count the underemployed and the people who have stopped looking for work (which you should). Middle class earnings have been pretty much the same since the 1970's. Newt Gingrich is telling members of the Occupy Wall Street movement to take a bath and get a job (see above unemployment numbers). Employees are not considered people by their employers. They are disposable annoyances and employers are constantly looking for ways to cut payroll.

Which is why it is laughable to me when I hear the National Retail Federation come out in support of these earlier and earlier Black Friday times by saying employees who are forced to work that day should be grateful (that word again!) because it means more hours and job security. Um...no, it doesn't mean that at all. It means you work that day or lose your job. And if you work, it doesn't mean that once the holiday season is over they won't cut your hours or even lay you off because there are always a thousand more applications from people willing to work cheaper or part time, which you can't because you need the health benefits. Or because they found someone who doesn't have to pick up her kids at 4:00 every day. Or because you failed to meet whatever arbitrary sales goal they came up with. Working on Thanksgiving means...you're working on Thanksgiving. That's it.

Listen carefully because this is what employers are saying. "We don't value you as a worker, as a member of a family who needs you, we don't value your time or your morale or you as a person in any way." Listen carefully and then decide if you want to support that with your money and patronage. Because it will stay this way and continue to get worse until consumers refuse to participate. The companies don't care until someone who matters forces them to. The only people who matter to them are the consumers. I understand that requires a sacrifice on the part of people who are struggling financially and may rely on these deals and bargains. I believe it's worth the sacrifice. I hope you do, too.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Hey, guys, remember when this happened?

Well, funny thing. I ran into S. the other day when she came into my store. I didn't even recognize her at first. She came up to me and asked me how I was and all I could do was stare at her. When she reminded me of who she was, I just continued to stare at her. I figured staring was better than calling her a bunch of names. I finally indicated that I did remember her, and my remembrance was not fond. She just kind of stood there awkwardly for minute. I did nothing to make her feel less awkward.

Out of the blue she informs me that she's divorced now. She tells me that Velvel, her ex-husband, was majorly abusive. She apologizes to me for how things went down between us, citing her asshole ex-husband and her inexperience as a director at the time. Now, I can be as petty as the next person, but throw me an apology and the fact that your husband was a mind-controlling, abusive jagoff and you and me are cool. I told her that I appreciated the apology, cause that whole experience has always really, really bugged me. She told me that her ex felt he was superior to everyone (color me not surprised) and expected her to be that way too. She told me it took her becoming suicidal to get out of the relationship. Unfortunately, the community did not stand behind her during the divorce. Her ex spread all kinds of lies and rumors about her and the community mostly took his side. He tried to get custody of their kids, but wasn't fully successful. They have joint custody. Oh, and also, she has MS, which he knew. But when she was hit with the fatigue that comes with that disease and literally couldn't get out of bed, he would do charming things like, tell their kids that Mommy wasn't getting out of bed because she was just lazy. What a keeper!

I told her I was sorry she had to go through all that and asked how things are going for her now. She said she was doing really well, in fact she's engaged! I congratulate her and that's when she tells me she's engaged to a guy I went out with once. Yes, this would only happen to me.

So, I guess this is what they call closure. I just call it weird.

The high school my dad worked at for over 30 years honored him last Saturday night. In addition to teaching English and computers, my dad also sponsored the Drama Club and directed all the plays and musicals. He never put on a show that was less than excellent. I know when most people think of school productions they cringe, but my dad put on shows that put some professional productions to shame. So, they threw this huge gala event and honored him with a Patron of the Arts Distinguished Leadership Award. They invited alumni back and there were performances and it was really awesome.

 

I actually went to the high school my dad worked for. I was involved in the Drama Club and did a lot of the productions. So, I got in touch with the people putting the event together and they let me surprise my dad by speaking at the event and presenting him the award. It was fantastic! He was completely surprised and I got to brag on my dad to a ton of people. Here's my speech:

 

Throughout the years this stage has been an Egyptian throne room, a beach, a magical forest and the setting of a French revolution. On this stage, a carousel barker fell in love with a girl who worked in a mill, a nun turned governess taught a group of children their do re mi’s, and a man named Harold Hill informed the people of River City that they had trouble with a capital T. This stage has been many things but for over 30 years one thing remained the same and that is the man who brought those people and places to life with his dedication, direction, a lot of very hard work and very talented collaborators. That man is S. B., he is my father and for the 4 years that I attended High School , he was also my teacher and director.

 

When I found out I would be speaking tonight, I thought about the unique perspective I could discuss, having experienced my father as a parent and as a director. How did the “dad” side differ from the “director” side? In every way that matters, not that much. As a parent he taught his kids that if something is worth doing, it’s worth doing right. And as a director, he put that same philosophy to work, demanding the best not only from himself, but the cast and crew as well. He taught his children the importance of being a part of something bigger than yourself. As a director and sponsor of the drama club, he helped create a community at High School where students worked together to create magic on stage. Perseverance, the value of hard work, the power of the spoken word, the beauty of theater and the arts, I learned it all from my dad. And my director.

 

I believe that the fact we’re here tonight, is proof that I speak not only for myself but for the many other people who were inspired by their time on the High School stage. Kids who participated in the shows here came away with a sense of accomplishment, an appreciation for the art form, new skills and some of the best memories of their lives. 

 

From the auditions to the read-throughs, from the tech runs to the dress rehearsals, from opening night to closing night, he was there with suggestions, support and encouragement to be our best, to have fun and the ever present rehearsal note to have more energy.To have been a part of a High School production under S. B. was to have been a part of something truly special.

 

And so, it gives me great pleasure to introduce and bring to the stage S.B., and his wife and partner of 40 years, R. Ladies and gentleman, S.B.

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